As the alarm begins its horrible sound that raises you out of your 5 hours of sleep.  I open my eyes to the sliver of light that is creeping in between the drapes from the lights outside.  The chill in the morning air is all but screaming in your ear “DON’T GET UP”.  There is a still in the air in the early mornings silence.  It’s only 5:30am, and the majority of the rest of the world is asleep.  I rub my eyes and it almost feels as though my hands are scrubbing my face with grains of sand.  I sit up with my feet dangling off the bed for a moment, and have to make a decision.  Do I A) get up and do what I promised myself I would, or do I B) make a hot cup of coffee and enjoy a silent morning to myself.  

A....  That had to be the answer.  Ugh....  I get up and throw on a comfy pair of jeans, like the only hoodie that I own anymore (I have NO IDEA where they all have disappeared too.... so feel free to send me free ones, as it’s cold living in a van), and then spend about the next 45 minutes creating a scene in video of me doing what I just done.  What took me 4 minutes in life, that scene in video takes 45 minutes to shoot, and that’s just an “OK” version.  With some research from the night before, I knew where I wanted to head and after buttoning down everything inside my van and slipping the key into the ignition I was off.  No coffee. No breakfast.  I was chasing the sunrise.  To shorten up what would be an amazingly long blog post, I jumped on the Blue Ridge Parkway and drove for about 15-20 miles to spot out some locations quickly before the light of day starting creeping across the mountains.  I recorded the drive, my locations, a vLog style video about the morning, how I thought and felt in those moments.  Took multiple photos of multiple locations, and videos as well.  For anyone reading this that knows much about a Canon 70D camera, I ran through a total of 3 batteries.  All of that video...... I watched back through it, and promptly put it on a hard drive that I will probably never access again.  

You’re now probably going “What the actual fuck did he do 4 hours of work for only to ignore the video files???”, and that’s what this post is all about.  

I have almost turned into a hermit anymore with my schedule, and trying to work if only even  in the background on a new project that I have elected to do, (A mini series about 5 creators that will be released in 2020), the website, Instagram, podcasts, whatever. I wok my normal day job from 8-8 or 9 ish and then return to the van only to turn on either music or some random mind numbing Netflix show whilst I answer messages, send emails, change the website, watch a tutorial on algorithms, maybe watch and read about a new program for editing video audio or photos..... You get the point, right?  Then there are some days that I work until the same hours before driving an hour and a half to be home.  Laundry, loving on the babies ( yeah I got cats, deal with it), doing the normal things that have to be done at a house, playing with my kid or whatever he wants. These are typically how my days are spent, and for some of that I’m ok with it.  This last Sunday that I described within the first paragraph was a different one for me.  Everyone else had plans, I had to be at work at 11, and i had some time. It was time that I done something. I did everything that you just read, and I did that for ME. Not to share to our YouTube community, or anything... I needed to do it for me. Maybe it was to remind me how much I truly enjoy making videos.  Maybe it was because if I made myself do it, I KNEW that those moments standing in the woods, or on the road side, or where ever and holding that camera ... it would make me feel alive in my head again.  The “work” that I do combined with lack of social interaction or friendships/relationships with much more than a phone that is in my hand has almost made me a numb human.  Like literally. I rarely feel anger, hatred, excitement, or much of anything else anymore it seems. Almost like a person that is a simple straight line on a chalk board. A little shaky at times, but for the most part just that little straight jagged line without much movement.  That’s how my head feels. 

If you take nothing out of this entire post except for one thing, please....  Take this.  Just do it.  For you.  No one else.  Whatever your “it” is.  Just do it, even if you store it all away never to be seen or talked about again.  

Thanks for reading, and I hope that I don’t ramble too much.  Like the post above just stated, I don’t have a video that I’ll be releasing of this day... Maybe as I work on another project you’ll see some scenes but I’ll never tell if they’re there.  I did also take some photos, and I’ll post them below.  Thank you, again.... if you made it this far.